SPECIALTY

Am I Being Influenced By The Sunk Cost Fallacy? Have you ever found yourself staying in a relationship, even though you knew it wasn't right? If you have, then you may have experienced the pressures of the sunk cost fallacy. This occurs when our minds overinflate the importance of all the energy we’ve already devoted to something, and fail to prioritize how we truly feel about something now. When it comes to love and relationships, this can have terrible consequences. Understanding the Sunk Cost Fallacy The sunk cost fallacy is a type of cognitive bias that occurs when we make important decisions based on the past, rather than the present or the future. In relationships, this can mean staying with a partner because of the time, effort and energy we’ve already invested in the relationship. This prevents us from seeing how our relationship is right now, and how our relationship is likely going to be in the future. How the Sunk Cost Fallacy Can Keep You Stuck There are a number of reasons why the sunk cost fallacy can lead us to make bad decisions about love: Fear of loss: You may fear the emotional pain of ending things even if the relationship is causing more harm than good. Social pressures: Your friends, family, or society in general may not want you to break up with someone. The pressure can be subtle and covert, or it may feel very obvious. Hope: You may hold onto the hope that, given enough time, things with your partner will change for the better. It’s hard to let go of hope, even when there’s very little evidence to support the idea that your relationship can be saved. Fear of wasted time: You may fear that you will have wasted important years if you end things now. In reality, whether you stay in your relationship or not, the years you spent suffering will still have happened to you. Don’t Let the Sunk Cost Fallacy Drive Your Decision Making If you’re staying in a bad relationship, then that can lead to: Unhappiness: You’re probably pretty miserable. And your misery is happening fresh every day. The pain of ending a relationship and moving on may be less than the prolonged state of suffering that comes from staying in a bad relationship for the rest of your life. Lost opportunities: By staying in a bad relationship, you are likely missing out on opportunities for something better. A better partner or a better life as a single person may be out there waiting for you, and you might never get the chance to have it if you stay in your current situation. Emotional damage: Unhealthy relationship dynamics can leave scars that will influence your future relationships, not to mention that they also take a toll on your mental and emotional health. Overcoming the Sunk Cost Fallacy If you find yourself stuck in a bad relationship because you don’t want all the time and energy you’ve already invested to feel like a waste, then it’s important to remember that the past is in the past. All you have control over now is the present. Now is the time to take action so that you can have a better future. Here are some tips for overcoming the sunk cost fallacy: Focus on now: Don't dwell on the time and energy you've already invested. Instead, focus on how the relationship is making you feel right now. Consider next steps: Do you want to try couples counseling? A regular date night? New boundaries about something? Or do you need to think about breaking up? Do something different, even if it’s small: Forward momentum is your friend. Don’t be afraid to take baby steps. Maybe you want to start by reading a self-help book or talking to your therapist or a trusted friend. Any step forward is good because it shakes us out of stasis and helps us feel brave. Remember, your happiness is important. Don't let the sunk cost fallacy hold you back from making the changes you need to be happy. Do you need help figuring out if your relationship can still be saved? Contact me for a free consultation.